Mealtimes are about much more than food. Making time for designated family mealtimes can have both immediate and lasting benefits for families and children. From a social and emotional standpoint, it’s important to provide a regular set time to touch base with your child, to hear about their day, and to feel present and connected.

Psychologist Sarah Horvath, PhD, explains the importance of family mealtimes, the benefits eating together can present, considerations for navigating mealtimes with children with eating disorders and neurodivergent children, and incorporate family meals into our busy everyday lives.

The importance of eating together as a family

Benefits of family mealtimes go well beyond the expected. It should come as no surprise that there are physical and nutritional benefits, but family mealtimes can also improve mental and emotional health, cognitive development, communication and creativity, all while establishing healthy relationships with food.

Academic and social development

Having an established family mealtime creates a natural time to touch base, hear about everyone’s day, relax and connect. Research also shows that kids in families who eat regular meals together are less likely to engage in risky behaviors, such as substance use and physical aggression, and generally have fewer problems in school.

Health and nutrition

From a nutritional standpoint, family meals ensure that your child is being fed regularly and being served a balanced meal. As the caregiver, you’re usually the one choosing and preparing family meals, so you have control over what you include. Making sure you’re serving a variety and balance of carbs, proteins and fats is important both for nutrition and variability. The more food groups you can serve, the better. If accessing enough food is a challenge, know that support is available — talking with your child’s care team or local community resources can help connect you to options.

Still, some food is always better than no food. As Dr. Horvath puts it, “All food fits.”

“Food is an inanimate object. By definition, it can’t be good or bad,” she continues. She encourages parents to model that philosophy and recommends not commenting on body, weight or shape during meals. Avoid creating negative associations with food, and try not to say things like:

• “I shouldn’t eat this dessert today because I had one yesterday.”
• Or “my pants are fitting too tight,”
• Or “I’ll need to work this one off.” As caregivers, we want to model a kind and neutral relationship with food, not one that comes with consequences.

How to build structure and stability for mealtime

Establishing family mealtime can appear challenging at first. You’re already juggling work, school, after school activities and countless other obstacles on any given day. A general structure isn’t just important, it’s more possible than you may think. Nothing has to be set in stone — designate an ideal time for the meal. Even if you can only do it a few days a week, that’s better than zero days a week.

“It doesn’t have to be 6:55 p.m. every day, but say between 6:30 and 7:00,” Dr. Horvath says. “This gives kids a sense of structure and predictability.”

Designate a meal space

Whether it’s the dinner table, a breakfast nook or a common space, making sure you have an area where everyone can eat together is important for mealtime structure. This limits distractions and allows everyone to be present and engaged in the meal and with one another.

It doesn’t have to be dinner

When you think about family mealtime, your mind might automatically go to dinner. But it doesn’t have to. Mealtimes can be shared and enjoyed at whatever meal works best for the family. Maybe breakfast works best because of work or after school activities. Maybe it’s a Sunday brunch each weekend or even just designated snack times throughout the week. Whatever your family can make work, works!

Limit outside distractions

It’s so easy to get distracted these days. Mealtimes offer opportunities to be present with one another. Try limiting the distractions by removing phones and tablets and turning off the TV. Parents, don’t engage with work while eating, and have the kids put away the schoolwork. This helps everyone remain present and be mindful while you’re eating, which helps with communication and creativity.

Find ways to communicate

Sometimes, “How was your day?” can fall a little flat. One-word answers don’t make for great conversation. Try using different prompts to encourage more thoughtful conversation. You could ask, “What is your rose (favorite part of the day), thorn (challenging part of the day) and seed (something they’re excited for)?” There are other games and cards with conversation starters that are a fun way to drive mealtime engagement.

Get creative with mealtime

Make mealtime more fun. There are so many ways to do this, from cutting strawberries into hearts or designating a family take out night. Let a different family member choose a theme for a meal or invite your child to help you cook. The list goes on and on!

Mealtime incentives

It’s easy to fall into offering dessert for finishing vegetables. While using incentives around food can be helpful, using dessert isn’t the best route to take. Instead, keep the incentivizing focused on routine. For example, “Once we finish dinner, you can choose which game we play or which book we read.”

Another way to encourage mealtime participation is an incentive chart. Start with a few days and gradually increase the number of days they need to reach to earn a reward. Over time, this helps build routine and expectations around mealtimes.

Navigating mealtime with children with eating disorders

Eating disorders are most common in teens, though the ages are getting younger and younger. Those who identify as female have a greater risk of developing an eating disorder, but there is a rapid increase among those who identify as male and gender diverse. Keep an eye out for signs of eating disorders, and be sure to reach out sooner than later if you suspect your child may be experiencing some of the symptoms.

This is also an important place for parents and caregivers to acknowledge their own relationships with food. Modeling a healthy relationship with mealtime helps instill that in your child. Here are some ways to help make your child more comfortable with their meal:

• Be open to trying new things.
• Model a healthy relationship with food.
• Remember that “all food fits.”
• Do not connect food to exercise or body image.
• Serve a variety of foods.

Navigating mealtime with neurodivergent children

If you’re working to establish a dedicated mealtime with neurodivergent children, your approach doesn’t have to differ far from what we’ve covered. The importance of structure, routine, predictability, consistency and variety all remail consistent. Be clear about what, when and how mealtimes will happen. Use incentive charts to establish routines — visual trackers that use colors and stickers are useful tools.

For neurodivergent youth who may struggle with food aversions or avoidant restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID), be sure to serve a variety of foods. Even if your child says they don’t like certain foods, just having them on the plate can serve as a very important exposure and help decrease fear and anxiety they may be having with that food.

“Even if they say they don't like it, keep putting it on the plate. And I would also say it's helpful to reduce external stimuli.”

Of course, consider all of the external factors as well. Make sure the lighting is at a comfortable level, use noise canceling headphones if helpful and reduce other outside noise and distractions.

With a little extra planning, intentional family mealtimes can become something you look forward to and can have a lasting impact on relationships with one another and with food.