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As parents, some of the most difficult conversations you can have with your kids are also the most important, and that includes topics related to guns, gun violence, gun safety and school shootings.
In 2020, guns surpassed car accidents as the leading cause of death for children and teens ages 1-19 in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Additionally, for each child who dies due to firearms, another five children are injured, according to Maya Haasz, MD, an associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Colorado School of Medicine and an emergency medicine provider.
These statistics can be unsettling for parents and caregivers, but they spotlight why it’s necessary to talk to your kids about guns and take gun safety seriously.
“Parents are oftentimes worried about initiating difficult conversations on topics that feel scary, because they’re worried that they’re going to instill fear in their child,” says Jessica Hawks, PhD, child and adolescent psychologist at Children Hospital Colorado’s Pediatric Mental Health Institute. “But we know that the opposite is true. By having these conversations, we’re actually able to reduce fear in children, even around topics that are inherently scary.”
We asked our experts about the impact of guns, gun violence and school shootings on kids and teens, how to have meaningful conversations about gun safety, and what steps you can take to reduce access to firearms and ensure that the children in your life remain safe.
The impact of gun violence on children and adolescents
In 2024, former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy declared gun violence a public health crisis, noting that more than half of U.S. adults or their family members have experienced a gun-related incident during their lifetime. The number of people impacted by gun-related injuries and deaths, including suicides, homicides and accidents, has been steadily rising over the past decade, with Black communities, including children and teens, being disproportionately affected.
Gun violence has a long-lasting impact on families. Survivors of gun-related injuries and their family members have reported increases in physical pain, mental health concerns and substance use disorders. Exposure to gun violence can also affect kids and teens: Studies show that witnessing gun violence in one’s community is linked to post-traumatic stress syndrome, anxiety and can negatively impact school performance.
But gun violence also has an indirect effect on kids and teens. For example, school shootings are known to cause anxiety in children and teens, even if an incident didn’t happen in their community. A Pew Research Center study published in 2018 found that a majority of teens in the U.S. worry that a shooting could happen at their school.
Dr. Hawks says that it’s normal for kids to have emotional responses to gun violence of any kind, even if the incident didn’t directly impact them. But if it lasts for weeks, or you see your child withdrawing, those are important things to pay attention to, as this can suggest possible mental health concerns. “The great thing is, there’s a lot of research that has come out on the positive, protective impact that families can have on kids’ mental health,” Dr. Hawks says.
One of the most powerful ways parents can support their child’s mental health is by having regular check-ins with them. She recommends having open lines of communication with your child, so they feel comfortable coming to you with questions related to guns, traumatic events or other upsetting news. Remember, you know your child best and should personalize your approach to suit their needs.
How to talk to your kids about guns and gun safety
Dr. Hawks and Dr. Haasz both note that there are a wide range of perspectives about guns in the United States, and that each family will approach these topics differently. What’s important is that all families make gun safety a top priority.
“Regardless of your personal beliefs, in the current state of our country, access to guns is high,” says Dr. Hawks. In fact, nearly 30 million children in the U.S. live in a home with firearms, and 4.6 million children live in households where at least one firearm is stored, loaded and unlocked, according to research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
“Whether you personally have guns in your home or not, it’s still helpful to have conversations with your children about gun safety,” Dr. Hawks says. “Because even if you don’t have a gun, that doesn’t mean your child’s not going to go to a home of a friend who does have a gun.”
With this in mind, it’s important to teach your kids the basics of gun safety. Here are some broad points to share with your child:
- If you find a gun, don’t touch it and tell an adult immediately.
- Guns are not toys, and they can be dangerous.
- Never hold a gun unless an adult is present.
- Never point a gun at somebody, even toy guns.
- If a friend has a gun or can access a gun, tell a trusted adult.
How to ask friends and family members about guns in their homes
While it might feel uncomfortable to ask other adults if they have guns and how they are stored, Dr. Haasz says it's a conversation that you shouldn’t shy away from. “The more we talk about it, the more we normalize this conversation.”
Hospitals United, an initiative started by Northwell Health that includes Children’s Hospital Colorado, provides information for parents on why it’s important to ask about guns, as well as ways to start the conversation. Here are some examples:
- Ask a list of safety questions: “I have a few safety questions before the playdate. Do you have any pets in the home? What are your screen time rules? Do you have guns, and if so, are they secured?”
- Start with what you have in your home: “I don’t have any guns in the home. Just checking because my kid gets into everything! Do you have guns in the home? If so, how are they stored?”
- Say your doctor told you to ask: “My doctor reminded me to ask friends if there are guns in the home before my kid goes over for a playdate. Do you have guns? How are they stored?”
- Say a friend asked: “A friend recently asked me if we have guns in our home before a playdate. We do, but they’re secured in a gun safe. I thought that was a smart question! What about you: Do you have guns in the home?”
Dr. Haasz said you can have this conversation over text, on the phone or in person — however you feel most comfortable. And, if you’re concerned about the person’s response, you can always offer to host the playdate at your house instead.
“We have more control than we think,” says Dr. Haasz. “As parents, we may not have control over how people store their guns, but we do have control over where our children go to play.”
Safe storage and firearm access at home
Research shows that having firearms in the home increases the risk of unintentional injuries and deaths, as well as suicides and homicides. That’s why the American Academy of Pediatrics advises that the safest homes for kids are those that are gun-free. However, storing firearms outside the home is not always possible. If a gun is kept in the home, the most important thing that adults can do is store them safely.
In Colorado and many states, safely storing your firearms and preventing your child from accessing them isn’t just recommended — it's the law. Make sure you’re familiar with Colorado's firearm laws and regulations, which are in place to help reduce gun-related deaths, injuries, suicides and crimes among children and teens.
How to safely store a gun
Kids are curious by nature, which means that hiding a gun is not enough. Studies show that kids often know where adults store their guns and how to access them, even if the adult thinks they don’t.
Safe storage might mean different things for kids of different ages. “You really have to think about access,” Dr. Haasz says. For example, toddlers might not be able to get into your lock box or cable lock. But if you have a teenager who wants to access a gun, you might need to increase your precautions.
When it comes to gun storage, you want to find the safest solution that works for your family. This might include all or some of the following:
- Store a gun unloaded in a locked gun safe or lockbox.
- Store ammunition separately, in a different location whenever possible.
- Make sure that the key or combination is not accessible to kids or teens or easy for them to guess.
- Put a trigger lock on your gun for added protection.
- Never store an unlocked or unsecured gun in the car, including in the glove box.
Remember, the goal is to use as many safeguards as you can to prevent children and adolescents from accessing firearms.
Additionally, if someone in your life is in immediate crisis — for example, if they’re depressed, talking about suicide or threatening violence — Dr. Haasz says it's important to ensure they don’t have access to a firearm, ideally by removing the gun from your home, even temporarily. This might mean asking a trusted friend or family member to safely store the gun or reaching out to locations listed on the Colorado Gun Safety Coalition’s website to find a temporary storage option near you.
How to talk to kids about school shootings
No matter your child's age, if they go to school, they are likely to experience regular active shooter drills. They might also hear about shootings and other safety incidents that have happened at other schools through friends or in the news, which could impact their sense of safety.
While the tendency might be to dismiss your child’s concerns or reassure them that their school is safe, Dr. Hawks says that it’s important for parents and caregivers to lean into these conversations, even if they’re painful or emotional, in an age-appropriate manner. Remind your child that while school shootings get a lot of media attention, they are still very rare. In fact, school shootings account for less than 1 percent of all gun-related deaths in children.
Depending on your child’s age, Dr. Hawks says it can be reassuring for kids to focus on safety and what they can control. Run through the safety measures the school and community are taking. Then, ask them what they’ve learned from the drills they’ve practiced, and what things they can do to keep themselves safe. “While it’s hard as a parent to even have to ask a question like that, it’s so important for us to have the difficult conversation that ultimately will protect our children,” Dr. Hawks says.
How you talk to your child should be personalized for their age and temperament. Here are some tips from Dr. Hawks on what to say at every age.
Young children are going to benefit from very concrete and simple language around these topics, Dr. Hawks says. First, she recommends connecting with their teacher or the school administration to find out if your child is doing active shooter drills, how regularly they occur and what they look like. Next, you want to learn what language they’re using, so you can stay consistent in your conversations at home. “If we’re using different terminology, that can be confusing to kids,” Dr. Hawks says.
Dr. Hawks recommends asking little kids what questions they have or what they’re feeling instead of making assumptions. She recommends saying something like: “I heard you had an active shooter drill at school today. How did you feel about that? Do you have any questions about what that was for, or do you have any questions about what you’re supposed to do?” These specific questions not only help your child better understand the experience but also set the stage for open communication about these topics.
A primary difference for this age range is that they’re going to have more access to information. Some kids will have cell phones, tablets, laptops or even social media. “We want to be proactive about how much exposure we’re allowing our kids to have to active news stories,” says Dr. Hawks, adding that this responsibility falls onto parents. “It’s important for us to be informed. But what happens is, when an event like this occurs, we get inundated with the same information over and over again, and that can cause a lot of distress.”
It’s also around this age when a child’s peers become more important, so as you’re having conversations with your child, ask them what they’re talking about with their friends, if any questions have come up, or if they want to talk more about what they’re hearing at school. “Just be aware that your child exists within a broader environment now that involves other kids talking and sharing information,” Dr. Hawks says. “So even if a parent is monitoring and limiting the amount of information their kid is getting exposure to at home, it doesn’t mean they’re not getting exposure at school.”
Parents and caregivers should assume that teenagers know about events in the news. They’re seeing them online or through social media and talking about it with friends. While it’s developmentally appropriate for teens to have more independence, it’s also important to make sure they’re taking care of their mental health and setting limits on how much media they’re consuming. This age is also a good time to teach kids about how to find trustworthy news sources and recognize misinformation that can easily spread on social media.
Dr. Hawks also notes that teenagers think about the world differently than younger kids. “Teens are thinking about bigger picture things,” she says. “They’re going to be thinking about society and government and their future and a lot of things.” Try approaching their thoughts and concerns with curiosity and empowering them to seek out ways to make a difference in their community.
The importance of connection
While parents and caregivers can’t always control what children are exposed to or what happens around them, you can work on building a trusting relationship where your child feels comfortable coming to you with their questions and concerns. Regularly checking in with your child about how they’re doing and what they’re feeling — not just during times of crisis or when a traumatic event occurs — can help create an environment of open communication, which helps build a lasting connection.
