Parenting is never as simple as following a how-to manual. Each family unit is truly unique, and as times change, the guidance around parenting tends to shift too. Still, a few things remain constant. We know that kids do best when their basic needs are met and when they are raised in a loving household.

But there’s more to the story. To help a child blossom into a healthy, happy, confident and responsible adult, there are several key things parents and caregivers can do and focus on. We asked child and adolescent psychologist Sarah Kennedy, PhD, to share her vision of what children need to thrive.

Stability, structure and consistency

For kids to expand their world, learn and grow, they first need a stable base — a strong foundation.

“Kids who experience a lot of unpredictability and uncertainty in their environments are spending a lot of their time just trying to figure out how to manage and how to cope with that uncertainty,” Dr. Kennedy says. “That leaves fewer cognitive and emotional resources for doing other things that are critical to healthy development, like learning and navigating peer relationships.”

One element of this stable base is routine. Creating a consistent routine may feel daunting, especially for families with unusual work schedules or families who have experienced divorce. But, Dr. Kennedy says, there isn’t one magic routine families all need to stick to. Instead, consider your individual family’s time, needs and goals, and develop areas of consistency that can help your child build a sense of clarity on what their day or week might hold.

This predictability should flow through other aspects of life too, including expectations and consequences. Dr. Kennedy says kids generally aim to please their caregivers, so helping them understand what you need or want from them can help them succeed, as can being consistent with consequences when expectations are not met.

Start by identifying your parenting style and family’s core values and building consistency around them.

“Sometimes where parents struggle is they have too many expectations and the more expectations you have, the harder it is to be consistent with them,” Dr. Kennedy says. “It’s really important to pick a manageable list of expectations to focus on and figure out what you want to prioritize based on your family values and what your child needs to support their development.”

Finally, stability and structure are important, but their main role is to serve as a foundation from which your child can learn to explore and adapt. Dr. Kennedy says that if your child seems overly dependent on routine and has a hard time embracing flexibility, it can be helpful to build in minor changes to your routine to help kids work on adaptability and coping when unexpected changes do occur.

Validation and emotional support

Love is important for anyone, but it’s useful to break that down and understand what it really means and how various factors can impact healthy development. Dr. Kennedy points to validation and emotional support as key for helping kids create a positive picture of themselves.

That starts with communicating that all emotions are normal and healthy to talk about and experience. “If kids get the message that it's not OK to experience certain emotions, then they're not going to talk about those emotions, but they're still going to be experiencing them. That can sets kids up to be at greater risk for mental health challenges in the future,” Dr. Kennedy explains. “Communicate that all emotions are OK, and that you're open to talking about any emotional experience, so that you're encouraging them to come to you and sending the message that they can talk to you.”

When kids do talk, often the best thing parents can do is just listen — repeat back what your child is experiencing, communicate that it is valid and don’t jump in to try to solve the problem right away. This not only helps them cope with feelings and develop resilience, but also lets them know that you are a resource for them through challenging times.

Parents can also support children by modeling healthy expression and coping. “Sometimes parents are too careful to hide their own emotions from their children, and that’s not always helpful,” Dr. Kennedy says. “Children learn through observation of those closest to them, and parents can take advantage of this by talking about their own emotions and by telling and showing their children what they are doing to cope with them.”

It’s important, of course, to do this in a developmentally appropriate and balanced way by avoiding topics that are too mature or overwhelming for a child to handle.

Additionally, parents should show unconditional love and support, separating a child’s actions from them as an individual. That means that even if you’re frustrated with something your child has done, you should make sure they know you still love and support them — just not their behavior. And even if you don’t always agree with your child’s choices or understand their experiences, Dr. Kennedy notes, you can often still validate and acknowledge the emotions behind the behavior.

Scaffolding to learn and explore

Curiosity is one of the most treasured things about youth, but not all kids feel immediately safe to explore or find joy in learning. This may be especially true for kids who struggle in school or who experience difficulties with learning in a structured environment. Dr. Kennedy notes that there are so many ways to learn, and school is just one of them. That’s why it’s so valuable for parents and caregivers to encourage curiosity and teach kids how to explore their passions — how to ask the right questions, find resources, make connections and dive deeper.

“Parents can model and project an attitude of curiosity, expressing enjoyment around learning new things and exposing kids to new things,” Dr. Kennedy says. “We are trying to help kids maintain this sense of curiosity and that natural instinct to learn even when things might be challenging.”

This skill isn’t just important for finding joy in school — it’s critical for helping kids explore their identity and find their passions in life. These things can help shape long-term happiness and fulfillment.

Time, positive attention and authentic interest

To many experts, the most important thing you can do to help a child thrive is to give them the gift of your time. It’s very human to devote our time to the things we love, and by spending quality time engaging with children, we can communicate love without saying a word.

Of course, for parents and caregivers time is a precious and finite resource. But according to Dr. Kennedy, even a few minutes a day can make an incredible difference. It’s all about making sure those precious moments are meaningful. That comes down to two things: positive attention and authentic interest.

Dr. Kennedy describes positive attention as focusing on the things that are going well and that you’re enjoying about the time you’re spending with your child, rather than placing demands on them or focusing on what needs to change. This concept extends to other times too, not just your daily intentional time together. Dr. Kennedy often talks about positive attention through the idea of the 5 to 1 rule: For every demand or constructive piece of feedback, parents can focus on providing five pieces of positive feedback or attention. She adds that, “part of it is praising kids for doing good and noticing them not just when they're successful at something, but also when they're putting forth effort or making positive choices.”

Showing up with authentic interest might be difficult for parents and caregivers whose mind is on cooking dinner, getting kids off to school on time or work, but even just five or 10 minutes a day of dedicated time can help a child significantly. Dr. Kennedy recommends engaging in an activity that plays to your child’s strengths or that revolves around their interests so that you’re both having fun. When you show a child that their interests are important to you, it can strengthen bonds and make a meaningful impact.